Once our relationship is established and your goals are identified and being addressed, I believe your appointments are meant to accelerate your progress. What you do – or practice – in between appointments is the most important part of the therapeutic process.
I don’t give “homework” because I’m not a teacher. Therapy certainly involves learning, but not according to a curriculum or lesson plan. It’s parallel learning, beginning with what I learn from you each time we meet.
This approach promotes your independence and respects your right to determine your results. You may need some time to get used to this process. Sometimes, in the earliest phase of the relationship, clients wait to see if the therapist is going to begin the appointment with some form of presentation or summation.
I don’t mind if that happens; I begin with a question – not a series of statements and certainly not any conclusions. Beginning with “where you are at” is essential. Where you are at is nonverbal before it’s verbal. Therapists are known for being listeners, but I also observe as closely as I can from the moment I first see you.
After years of close observation, I’m always fascinated by the process of lining up what I see with what I hear. Most of the meanings that we exchange are nonverbal, not verbal. Tuning in to this dual process helps us go from hearing and into listening.
I invite you at any time to observe and inquire about what you pick up from me nonverbally. This is good practice in daily life with others, whether you report it out to them or not. People often praise the idea of being present in relationships, and I think that’s a good way to do that.