Couples seeking therapy want greater hope for themselves and the life they have built together. It is my responsibility to facilitate that with respect, skill and compassion.

Whether or not a couple has had prior experience with therapy, partners may have anxieties about it, and what the therapist - client connection will be like. A frequent concern is that the therapist will 'take sides' with one partner's position(s), based on the therapist's pre-conceived beliefs about relationships.

My therapeutic approach begins with forming a problem-solving, collaborative alliance with each of you. I take particular care to keep my connections with you balanced. You'll know it when a discussion I have with your partner makes a meaningful impact on you.

I facilitate disclosures by each of you about your background and who you are, helping each of you to be more clearly seen and known. The impacts that you have on each other is constantly tracked: the ways you are positioned with each other, your values and desires, and how your actions do and don't line up. You will develop your own (clearer) picture of how your problems became harder to tolerate, and what you can do to improve things.

Problems related to differences in desire for sex present powerful opportunities for personal and relationship growth. Sexual behavior is a truthful language with meaning that words cannot express. It connects directly to each partner's personal history and development, and the truth about the intimacy they want, and can handle. It brings heartfelt depth and durable meaning to the couples therapy I practice.

Your emotional commitment to each other, and our therapeutic relationships, intensify the difficult, rewarding process of personal growth and maturity known as "differentiation" (see Resources). There will be clear indicators that this natural growth process is increasing your ability to handle intimacy at higher and higher levels. It's the ability to truly desire and choose your partner, reduce reactivity and pursue far deeper caring while taking better care of your anxieties.