Couples seeking therapy want greater hope for themselves and the relationship or marriage they have built together. It is my responsibility to facilitate that with respect, skill and compassion.
Whether or not a couple has had prior experience with psychotherapy, partners may have anxieties about it, and what the therapist – client connection will be like. A frequent concern is that the therapist will ‘take sides’ with one partner’s position(s), based on the therapist’s beliefs about relationships or gender.
My therapeutic approach begins with forming a collaborative alliance with each of you. I take particular care to keep my connections with you balanced. An example is when a discussion I have with one partner creates simultaneous, meaningful impacts for both partners.
I facilitate your disclosures about who you are and your family background, helping each of you to be more clearly seen and known. The ways you affect each other, your values and desires – these are positions in a relationship “system”. By better understanding these positions, you will develop a clearer picture, and what you can do to improve things.
Problems related to differences in desire for sex present powerful opportunities for personal and relationship growth. Sexual behavior is a truthful language with meaning that words cannot express. It connects directly to each partner’s personal history and development, and the truth about the intimacy they want, and can handle. It brings heartfelt depth and durable meaning to the couples therapy I practice.
Your emotional commitment to each other, and our therapeutic relationships, intensify the difficult, rewarding process of personal growth and maturity known as “differentiation” (see Resources). Therapy can facilitate this growth process, increasing your ability to handle intimacy at higher and higher levels. It’s the ability to truly want and choose your partner, reduce reactivity, pursue far deeper caring and take better care of your anxieties.